Saturday, October 23, 2010

What's the big secret?

I thought I was alone in the world when I found out a year ago...
I didn't think there was a soul on the earth that would understand...
I looked at my doctors back as he gave me the news and walked out the door...
Im not dying..physically. I dont have some rare disease that will leave me in a corpse...
The nurse just look at me and gave me a number to a new doctor...
She saw the tears about to explode from my eyes..so she rushed me out the door...
The breeze hit me around the same time as the stream of water hit my chin...

And there she was. Some random stranger holding her beautiful child in her arms. Looking at me with such pity.
The thoughts begin..."What about me?" "Why me!"

By the time I could get my husband on the phone, my words were scrambled and unclear.
My husbands voice begin to grow sharp with alarm and I knew I had to get it together.
So I uttered the words aloud.

"He said we have to cut out both of my fallopian tubes"

3 comments:

  1. I know exactly how u feel. I'm in the same boat, but God willing we will be blessed with children

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  2. I am so sorry . . .
    Have you and your hubby ever wanted to adopt?
    I know others have probably suggested this before, and it might sound annoying after a while, but I was in foster care. I can tell you that not all the kids up for adoption are good kids, but there are some who truly have a shot. Who truly can beat the odds of not turning out like their birth parents. They just need a chance, someone who can love them past their pain.
    See, I had a mother who failed. And I had guardians who have disowned me. All I ever wanted when I saw a mommy with a child is to be that child. I hated that any kid could experience a love I never would. Still to this day I get jealous sometimes. It's a hunger to know the natural maternal love that a birth child gets to experience.
    I know there are other kids out there who have and are feeling this. Left out. They need a second chance mommy.
    Because of what you've been through, you might be able to understand better their heartache in that area . . .
    Just a thought.

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  3. fantastic fisrt post, I am not going to pretend to know how you feel as I don't have a clue but reading this post I wish I could jump out of your computer screen and give you a big cuddle.

    One thing I have learnt through other challenges and can pass on is...
    This may be one chapter closing and you may feel like it's all over so cry, hurt and feel your pain, then grow stronger and enter your next chapter as I can only imagine it will be a great one.

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