Monday, October 25, 2010

The Dark Chapter

They say "Time flies when your having fun."
Can you imagine how slow life can be when you're walking through a living nightmare?
Bilateral Tubal Blockage, dysfunctional tubes...
It haunted me at night and followed me throughout every waking moment.

Those next few months I felt so inhuman no wait, unladylike. 
The hole in me grew.
Women make babies. Its our life.
The hole in me grew.
If am not a woman. What am I?
The hole in me grew. 

Every doctor we went to simply deepened the wound.
It was a dark time for me.
I lost friends because I shut them out for not understanding what I was going through.
They told me there are miracles in God.
Although I felt unworthy who would know a miracle was indeed on its way.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

What's the big secret?

I thought I was alone in the world when I found out a year ago...
I didn't think there was a soul on the earth that would understand...
I looked at my doctors back as he gave me the news and walked out the door...
Im not dying..physically. I dont have some rare disease that will leave me in a corpse...
The nurse just look at me and gave me a number to a new doctor...
She saw the tears about to explode from my she rushed me out the door...
The breeze hit me around the same time as the stream of water hit my chin...

And there she was. Some random stranger holding her beautiful child in her arms. Looking at me with such pity.
The thoughts begin..."What about me?" "Why me!"

By the time I could get my husband on the phone, my words were scrambled and unclear.
My husbands voice begin to grow sharp with alarm and I knew I had to get it together.
So I uttered the words aloud.

"He said we have to cut out both of my fallopian tubes"